While many Americans come to Paris because of love, I came, in part, for the possibility of finding it. In New York, where I’d lived before moving to Paris, kissy faces were reserved for further along in the relationship — you know, like post-marriage.It may be difficult to reprogram my brain from “slow and steady wins the race” to “the last one to the finish line loses,” but the fact of the matter is, if I’m going to live here, I have to learn to love here — on their terms.
They’re not going to slut-shame you.” And there’s some truth to the age-old clichés about Paris as the world capital of romance.
As Jenny, 28, another New York expat, reminded me: “The French love the idea of love.” Amy added: “It doesn’t seem to intimidate them as it intimidates us.” So the next time some Marcel, Mathieu, or Laurent sends me a screen full of emojis, or starts caressing my arm without warning, I’m going to try to open up more freely without judgement.
If you ask me out, it’d be nice if you get the first glass. As far as choosing a place to meet, give a girl a destination so all we have to do is get a table and sit down and focus on each other as opposed to coming up with intermediary conversation while walking around in circles outside a smelly, crowded metro station. Are you excited to see me or do you not give a shit? I’ve gone out with guys and I’m questioning their hygiene. ’” I’ll admit, though, that part of me appreciates this casual way of courting.
“I appreciate the spontaneity, but my New Yorker mentality can’t handle just going with the flow like this,” says Amy. Just tell me where we’re going.” Cole, 30, another New York transplant, thinks choosing a place in advance says something about what kind of guy he is. While deodorant would be nice, as would picking up the bill, maybe choosing a specific place to meet isn’t necessary after all. Maybe all we do need is a long walk on cobblestones, the moonlight, and a spark.
After the usual exchange of Tinder pleasantries, he suggested we meet for a drink that night, but I was busy, so he asked for my number to connect on Whats App. At 36, I was burned out on dating in New York and sick of fielding questions about my love life from every aunt, neighbor, rabbi, and dental hygienist.