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Hell, even picking groceries and clothes based on what you think a "decent" human being would choose... I wasn't ready for anything except a night spent lying on the couch with a bag of chips, watching TV... I wasn't paying attention when he tried to teach me how to pay taxes or how to run your own company. Sadness, grief, guilt — I went through all those phases, trying to accept the fact that he's gone forever. When I try to sleep, dark thoughts haunt me, showing me the worst moments of my life, revealing endless anxieties and my deepest fears.