I politely wiggle out and return to feast on the German’s arms. ” I ask.“Promise.”“And don’t do anything unless you’re 100% sure I want it, okay? You’re sexy.”“You’re sexy too.”A short older man who’s been telling me I have a “sonrisa del arco iris” (a rainbow smile) puts his arms around me and starts rocking me back and forth.and I've run the gamut (Tinder, Bumble, fucking Coffee Meets Bagel?!Will someone please just slap these developers for coming up with these inane, bullshit names for dating apps?? I've even tried the "old school method" of just trying to talk to someone at a bar or a show, which feels IMPOSSIBLE because no one can communicate to you as a woman unless it's through a tiny, fucking screen.Used in a sentence: "He responds to some of my texts, but I feel like he's giving me the slow fade." Definition: There are several types of fuckboys.
Used in a sentence: "Look at that thot talking to my crush." Definition: To endorse, support, or approve of two people being together – either friends or people who are romantically involved.I'm also a busy woman: I play guitar, I volunteer in my community, AND I work my ass off, so I don't have a ton of time to waste. These dudes are garbage, I swear, ALL OF THEM ARE GARBAGE.And the most disturbing—a lot of them think I'm a call-girl (why?? I've let a lot of men treat me with a lot of disrespect and waste a lot of my time because they didn't want to be "serious" and because I've been willing to settle for that....I sink my teeth into his shoulder.“What’s your name? He doesn’t have one, but he enters my number into Whats App, misspelling it “Sussi.” I delete it and type “Suzannah.”If I hadn’t made that revision, he never, ever would have found me; my number failed because I’d forgotten to type “001” before it. “Good morning.” We’re now heading towards the beach and Bora Bora. Show up if you like.”There’s no way I’ll find him with “the beach” as my guidance, I think. We return to Amnesia — together this time — where a gay guy puts an adhesive gem between my eyes and some British girls point and laugh at me for holding a gin and tonic with my teeth. We stroll down the sidewalk hand in hand and buy gelato, licking from each other’s cones, wiping the drips off each other’s noses. The next day, I throw out the form I was about to fill out to renew my lease. I keep spotting it out of the corner of my eye, but he just fingers me, eats me out, and repeats. In the morning, I thank Alex for sleeping on the couch and ask Lukas for his Facebook. He tells me he’s a robot designed to take over Europe then self-destruct. He invites me back to the apartment he and his coworkers have been renting, where his boss makes me pasta and teaches me to say “asshole full of shit” in German. yet.”I ditch the ferry and buy a quicker, later flight. And suddenly I realize the only thing stopping me is my own mind and bullshit social conventions. The next is to Lukas, declaring that I refuse to let our relationship remain a vacation romance; I invite him to come see me in New York.